The Principle of Least Interest

The Principle of Least Interest

"The person who cares the least in the relationship dictates the terms of the relationship."
 - Tom Pappas

It’s a basic principle when you really think about it, and yet it’s application is so numerous that one’s grasp of this law can improve one’s life dramatically when used properly. 

You see, basically what the law says is this: The person who cares less in the relationship wears the pants, calls the shots, makes the calls, etc. It sounds demeaning at first, but there’s nothing wrong with it! In fact, it has helped me to understand my past relationships so much more that I know what to look for now in a relationship. Let me break it down a bit.

Part 1: The Person who cares the least - 
        This will happen. I don’t doubt it. Whether you’re a bright-eyed, optimist who believes that the best relationships require equal attraction from both parties or you’re a cynic who doesn’t believe in relationships (I can safely say I’ve been on both sides of the spectrum) this will always happen. One person in the relationship is less attracted to their partner than the other person. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe there’s a disconnect between your way of thinking and theirs. Maybe you disagree with some of their opinions and it’s turning you off. Maybe you’re a shallow idiot who thinks your respective other is not as hot as before. Whatever the case, it happens. Maybe you’re the one who’s more invested. Nothing wrong with that. Relationships are two-sided and as long as both of you are working together then I think it’s safe to say fluctuating attraction is nothing to worry about.

Part 2: Dictates the terms in the relationship.
            ^ The great quandary of all relationships and often the source of friction. Both parties often want to be in control of the relationship. “Control” is probably one of the worse things to assume a relationship has. (My psych professor once said: On a good day the only thing we have control of is our ability to eat, sleep, and poop. I believe her.) Now many of you might recognize when you’ve been in a relationship and you’ve been following orders, but it’s okay because you’re head over heels for them! You might also have recognized when your mate would do anything you asked of them. Fair enough.
         What I’m talking about is the idea that relationships have a definable set of boundaries. The person who cares the least often sets the boundaries and it’s up to the other not to mess with them. Boundaries are a good thing. It lets you establish a relationship that doesn’t consume your life and make you a different person entirely. They’re good to have. It can be something to work toward to slowly overcome each boundary. The fact that someone (maybe not you) is calling the shots in your relationship shouldn’t scare or surprise you. You’re in a relationship with them for a reason! And (unless things are seriously out of wack) it’s good to listen to them. Just remember that it’s a two sided conversation and you don’t have to do everything they ask.

Are you still with me? Considering I dished out more relationship advice and opinions than are good for me I have two disclaimers:

1. Not everything I say is communicated properly and I will probably say some really stupid stuff you disagree with. Totally okay with that. I love a good conversation so don’t be afraid to challenge my post. I only ask that you do so in an appropriate manner. Just because we’re on the interwebz doesn’t mean derogatory language is okay.

2. Recently I’ve found myself in a position of not being interested in relationships at all. It’s given me the ability to walk away from a potential relationship altogether and still be happy. I use this Principle as a benchmark for what’s important to me. If you find yourself striking out cause you’re playing hard to get understand: If you truly didn’t care then it wouldn’t matter.

Now that I’ve thoroughly confused all of you and possibly justified masochists the world over I hope all readers have a good day!